146 Hilarious and Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh

146 funny quotes to make you smile

You know, sometimes life can throw us a curveball or two, and in those moments, a good laugh can be just the medicine we need. That’s why I’m excited to share with you some funny quotes I’ve stumbled upon in my own quest for personal growth.

We’ll explore a collection of witty, clever, and downright hilarious quotes that not only tickle your funny bone but also offer valuable insights for your personal development journey.

After all, as we navigate the ups and downs of life, a good sense of humor can be a powerful tool for resilience and growth.

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Funny quotes about life

1. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” – Bryan White
2. “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
3. “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” – Dolly Parton
4. “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz
5. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward
6. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” — Jay Leno
7. “I’m not superstitious…but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott
8. “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” — Robert Benchley
9. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
10. “My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.’” ― Rose Nylund
11. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde
12. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin
13. “I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allan Poe
14. “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov
15. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

16. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
17. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
18. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” — Dory, “Finding Dory”
19. “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” ― Rita Mae Brown, “Alma Mater”
20. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
21. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
22. “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” — Shirley MacLaine
23. “A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.” – Dolly Parton
24. “Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” – Bo Derek
25. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
26. “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” – Oscar Wilde
27. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” ― George Burns
28. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles M. Schulz
29. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
30. “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov

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31. “Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
32. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
33. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends, I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White
34. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
35. “When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
36. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
37. “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” – Mike Bechtle
38. “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” ― George Bernard Shaw
39. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain
40. “It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” ― Muhammad Ali
41. “Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.” — Philip K. Dick
42. “As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William
43. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
44. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper
45. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” — Ace Ventura

Hilarious quotes to make you laugh

1. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” — Jimmy Kimmel
2. “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” – Sophia Petrillo
3. “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz
4. “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
5. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” – Paula Poundstone
6. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz
7. “When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
8. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
9. “Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
10. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley
11. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” ― Tina Fey
12. “It ain’t over til it’s over.” – Yogi Berra
13. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian Donovan
14. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
15. “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” — William Gibson

Funny quotes to send to other people

1. “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin
2. “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
3. “Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher
4. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” — Chandler Bing
5. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson
6. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom
7. “I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.” — Rodney Dangerfield
8. “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” — Oscar Wilde
9. “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” — Ouiser Boudreaux
10. “So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom, and if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman
11. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” ― Terry Pratchett, “Diggers”
12. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Halley Reed
13. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” — Jerry Seinfeld
14. “From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” — Jarod Kintz
15. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw

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Funny quotes to share with others

1. “When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” ― Walter Payton
2. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller
3. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball
4. “If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.” — George Burns
5. “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
6. “People say, ‘How you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.” — Dolly Parton
7. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott
8. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
9. “People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” — Joan Rivers
10. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”
11. “Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.” – Dick Van Dyke
12. “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
13. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
14. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
15. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” — Damien Fahey

Funny quotes to make you laugh

1. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi
2. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
3. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
4. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill
5. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ― P. J. O’Rourke
6. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
7. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” – Steven Wright
8. “A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.” — Douglas Adams
9. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
10. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
11. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams
12. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke
13. “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” — Sandra Bullock
14. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
15. “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome

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Witty sayings

1. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates
2. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
3. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” – Charlie Brown
4. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
5. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx
6. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles Lamb
7. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine
8. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore
9. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” – Bill Murray
10. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton
11. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ― Erma Bombeck
12. “If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” – Phyllis Diller
13. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” – Mae Wes
14. “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher
15. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin

Memorable funny quotes

1. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
2. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron
3. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” — Jack Whitehall
4. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” — George Carlin
5. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
6. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis
7. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
8. “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.” ― P.J. O’Rourke
9. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
10. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” ― W.C. Fields

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Funny motivational quotes

1. “Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, Jazzercise; 6:30, dinner with me — I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing…I’m booked.” — The Grinch
2. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
3. “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” ― John Gotti
4. “I’d love to stand here and talk with you…but I’m not going to.” — Phil Connors
5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey
6. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” — Maria Bamford
7. “No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
8. “I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.” — George Carlin
9. “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
10. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love
11. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda
12. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
13. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
14. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley
15. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
16. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” — Robert Frost

FAQ: Why should I read these funny quotes?

Boost your mood

Life can get pretty hectic, and sometimes we all need a little pick-me-up. Funny quotes are like instant mood lifters. They can make you smile, laugh, and feel happier, even on a gloomy day.

Stress relief

Laughter is an excellent stress reliever. When you laugh, your body releases feel-good chemicals that can help you relax and unwind. So, these quotes can be your stress-busting buddies.

Perspective shift

Many funny quotes contain clever insights wrapped in humor. They can make you see things from a different angle and help you take life a little less seriously.

Sometimes, a change in perspective can be a game-changer for personal growth.

Connection

Sharing a good laugh with others is a fantastic way to bond. You can use these quotes in your conversations to break the ice, connect with people, and build stronger relationships.

Inspiration in disguise

Funny quotes often carry wisdom within their humor. They can inspire you to think deeper about life, challenges, and personal growth. It’s like a nugget of wisdom hidden in a candy wrapper.

Lighten the load

Life can sometimes feel heavy with responsibilities and worries. These quotes offer a brief escape and remind you that it’s okay to take a breather and not take everything too seriously.

How often do you read funny quotes?